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entertainment culture

Snoop Dogg Gives Up Smoking Weed

In a recent social media post, Snoop Dogg, whose love of marijuana has been documented in his music and business ventures since the early ’90s, announced that he is quitting smoking, saying “After much consideration & conversation with…

Loud Man Not Even Drunk

MISSOULA, MT—Wincing at the sound of the man’s booming voice, sources confirmed Monday that 35-year-old Jesse Slattery was loud but not even drunk. “You’d think he’d had a shot or two before this, but nope, that’s just his voice,” said…

Men Explain Why Female-Led ‘The Marvels’ Failed

Start SlideshowAfter The Marvels had the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s worst-ever opening weekend, The Onion asked men to explain why the female-led film failed, and this is what they said. AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideFranklin…

Sellout Poet Made Over $150 In 2023 Alone

CHICAGO—Blasting the writer for clearly abandoning his artistic ideals in pursuit of commercial success, sources confirmed Monday that sellout poet Cullen Quinn Roberts had earned over $150 in 2023 alone. “God, this hack is practically…

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