entertainment2cculture

LAS VEGAS—Debuting the high-budget sequel at this year’s CinemaCon, director Dennis Villeneuve confirmed Wednesday that Dune: Part Two willpick up right where viewers fell asleep during the first one. “I think audiences are going to love…

SKOKIE, IL—Letting out a long, resigned sigh as he once again rewatched his favorite episode, local Ted Lasso fan James Raleigh told reporters Wednesday that he had a sinking feeling that the show was for losers. “Oh, no, this show makes me…

Tucker Carlson: Look, do I want to murder Donald Trump? Strangle him? Beat him? Stab him hundreds of times, fuck his corpse, and then stab him even more until he’s completely unrecognizable and I’m covered in his blood and viscera? Yes. But…

BOSTON—Insisting that the former talk show host make amends for the real harm she had caused, laser-focused liberal Greg Lomax was reportedly still devoting all his attention this week to getting Ellen DeGeneres to apologize. “Until the day…

OKLAHOMA CITY—Taking umbrage with the recent youth trend, local 45-year-old Craig Skudder told reporters Monday that he was not a fan of what teen girls were doing to their eyebrows. “Not for me—sorry, ladies,” said the twice-divorced U.S.…

Netflix announced it will be ending its DVD-by-mail rental service that set the stage for its trailblazing video streaming service, ending an era that began 25 years ago when delivering discs through the mail was considered a revolutionary…

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Saying he was happy to finally bury the hatchet with the major corporation after months of difficult dialogue, Gov. Ron DeSantis announced Tuesday that he had ended his feud with Disney after being given a guest role on The…

CHICAGO—Admitting that the late nights in dark bars were finally catching up with him, aging local rock musician Jesse Thomas reported Thursday that it was time for him to grow up and get a real job as a jazz musician. “You get to a certain…

SEATTLE—Highlighting Amazon Studios’ continuing struggle to capture an audience, a new report published by The Hollywood Reporter Friday revealed that the only viewer to complete The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power was Jeff Bezos.…

MESA, AZ—Saying that being crushed to death wasn’t even close to the worst part of his night, local man James Hanson confirmed Friday that he was annoyed to be dying at the concert of an artist he barely even liked. “Wow, this sucks—I can’t…