environment

Start SlideshowMicroplastics were recently found in human blood for the first time, leading to questions about what they are and how they could affect people’s health. The Onion answers common questions about…

ITHACA, NY—In a shocking revelation that left the entire ornithological community reeling, Cornell University scientists reportedly discovered Tuesday that birds had lied about being related to dinosaurs. “For decades, birds literally…

NEW YORK—In a breakthrough study with a stark prediction about present meteorological trends, a team of scientists at Columbia University warned Monday that the sky was rapidly running out of the good puffy clouds. “Based on the current…

Alaskapox, a virus discovered in 2015 that is mostly endemic among Alaskan small mammal populations, recently claimed its first human victim despite the fact that experts say the illness is often mild and infections remain rare. What do you…

This pristine colon features a constant flow of nutrient-rich waste, ample space to raise larvae, and is just minutes from the anus for easy egg deposition! Emit your dorsal hooks and latch on today! Being Shot In The Gut Fact: Did You…

PARIS—Backing away slowly in fear at the unanticipated response to their public demonstration, climate protesters reportedly grew visibly terrified Monday as the Mona Lisa extended a big, wet tongue and started licking up the soup. “Yum,…

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DALLAS, TX — According to reports, terrified Texans have taken up arms to fire on a strange white substance falling from the sky."I don't understand it and I don't intend to!" said local Dallas resident Billy Carson as he fired a pair of…

According to a new study published in Proceedings Of The National Academy of Sciences, an average liter of bottled water contains roughly 240,000 detectable plastic particles including nanoplastics less than one micrometer in size, almost…

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that the newly discovered resource was our only hope to save the planet, climate scientists urged the public Thursday to switch to the renewable psychic energy of a frail, bald child. “After years of research, we can…