environment

CHARLOTTE, SC—Alerting the public to “the deal of the century,” sources confirmed Monday that a number of free dead bodies buried underground were seemingly there for the taking. “None of these headstones have price tags, so I’m guessing…

VATICAN CITY — Joining the groups of outspoken activists who attach themselves to prominent works of art, Pope Francis has glued himself to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel to protest climate change."We must stop climate change now!" the…

The water level at a major river port in Brazil’s Amazon rainforest has hit its lowest point in at least 121 years, as a historic drought upends the lives of hundreds of thousands of people and damages the jungle ecosystem. What do you…

PORTER, IN—In a surprising pivot that sent shock waves through the environmental movement, climate justice activist Greta Thunberg told reporters Monday that she was embracing big oil after visiting a really nice highway truck stop in…

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Advancing a bold new theory that could revolutionize the way scientists think about the planet, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Monday that the unexplored parts of the world’s oceans probably…

SEATTLE—Bemoaning the hubris that had led humanity to this pitiable state, researchers confirmed Thursday that overinvestment in alternative energy had plunged the earth into a sixth ice age. “We knew all along that the rapid deployment of…

The rise of massive annual wildfires and hurricanes around the U.S. has shone a spotlight on whether certain areas of the country will be habitable in the future, a reality that would reshape America in many ways. The Onion looks at the…

U.S. officials have confirmed that Travis King, the American soldier who crossed into North Korea two months ago, has been expelled from the country and is in U.S. custody. What do you think?“Must be tough being kicked out of…

A NASA space capsule carrying the largest soil sample ever collected from the surface of an asteroid has landed in the Utah desert seven years after the mission’s launch. What do you think?“It’s not polite to go through another celestial…

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In what is being hailed as a major breakthrough in the field of geological research, scientists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Thursday they had discovered that the Earth’s core can play Blu-rays. “As…