ethology

LAWRENCE, KS—Unable to control herself while watching the R&B star perform during the Super Bowl LVIII halftime show, local mom Kathy Deacon got up from her couch and licked Usher’s abs on her TV screen, sources reported Sunday. “Oh…

PARIS—Backing away slowly in fear at the unanticipated response to their public demonstration, climate protesters reportedly grew visibly terrified Monday as the Mona Lisa extended a big, wet tongue and started licking up the soup. “Yum,…

GLEN ELLYN, IL—Gesturing excitedly at the screen while the ambivalent canine lay beside him, local man John Eggert urged his dog Monday to pay attention while a dog was on TV. “Look, look, Pickles—that dog looks just like you,” Eggert said…