excretion

GILBERT, AZ—Noting that just spending a few minutes a day on a toilet had drastically improved her mental and physical health, local woman Jessica Emerson admitted to reporters Monday that she considered her bathroom break self-care. “I…

SALINA, KS—Expressing remorse for ruining the staff’s hard work, local man Jason Reddick told reporters Monday that he always felt guilty shitting on a freshly mopped café floor. “I feel so bad when an employee has literally just put down…

PALM BEACH, FL—Already facing two federal indictments and several major investigations relating to the 2020 election, Jan. 6insurrection, and his finances, former President Trump’s legal woes reportedly continued to mount Thursday after…