Family

RANCHO-CUCAMONGA, CA — In a historic display of baseball prowess, a pitching machine tossed a no-hitter against local dad Keith Malvern.The impressive feat placed the pitching machine among the ranks of other legendary pitchers like Sandy…

Prominent conservatives are pushing new family policies to reverse America’s collapsing birthrate. A recent New York Times piece highlights several proposals intended to boost the birthrate. One such proposal, which is now gaining support…

GLADEWATER — Local parents Carl and Patricia Nootsen are reportedly distraught after discovering a soccer ball under their son's bed."What does this mean?" Mr. Nootsen said, taking the contraband to his wife. "Our son isn't a, a....soccer…

STOCKTON, CA — According to sources, local wife Sue Page is beginning to suspect that her husband's thoughtful and relevant responses to her texts might be A.I. generated."I first became suspicious when I asked him what movie he wanted to…

Steinbach, MB – After briefly perusing the menu at a local Italian restaurant, Irene Everett concluded her adult son would probably like the risotto best. “I know my mom means well, but I’m a grown man who can read a menu and decide I want…

SLIDELL, LA — According to sources, the children of local father Jaxon Holt are completely ignorant of how cool their dad is.Holt, who has a steady job working in business insurance and drives a Honda Fit, loves his children dearly and…

The ongoing soap opera that is Elon Musk’s love life and world repopulation effort again took center stage on Wednesday as The Wall Street Journal detailed his drama-laden relationship with Ashley St. Clair and other women who have borne…

WILMINGTON, DE—Adding to his streak of disagreeable behavior, 12-year-old nephew Cooper Goodpaster was reportedly in trouble for strangling again. “Oh gosh, that’s not good, is it?” said 38-year-old Zachary Goodpaster, the delinquent…

What happens when your ex-wife wants to convince your 12-year-old daughter that she isn’t really a girl? In the state of Colorado, if you don’t “affirm” that made-up gender identity, the state will start to take your child away from you.…

A 3-year-old girl found a scarab-shaped Canaanite amulet dating back some 3,800 years while on a hike with family in Israel. What do you think? “Oh, every parent thinks their kid’s 3,800-year-old amulet is special.” Angela Vogel,…