Family

It seems like every time I turn around, an editor assigns me a story related to the mental health crises of our children. Most of the health experts I speak to correlate Covid lockdowns and our children’s fragile state. Closing schools…

MONTGOMERYVILLE, PA — Local dad Justin Simpson took a trip to the mall on Christmas Eve to begin his Christmas shopping, only to find a vacant lot where the mall once stood."Oh man, I've been coming here forever," Simpson said. "I mean,…

KNOXVILLE, TN — Local wife Chelsea Hammond has just proposed a brand new 4,155-page Target funding bill to her husband but is only giving him 2 days to read through it all. Chelsea claims that if the omnibus spending package is not passed…

VERNAL, UT — Alvin and Nora Spleent, the parents of three adorable, rambunctious children, reportedly rushed to get their offspring fed, bathed, and into bed so the couple could sit down and enjoy their favorite tv show. They were asleep on…

Is your husband cheating on you? We here at the Babylon Bee hate marital infidelity, so we consulted marriage experts to learn all the troubling signs to look for when a man isn't being faithful.Wives, look for these sure signs your husband…

A favorite Christmas ritual of my family is the English tradition of holiday poppers, also called “Christmas crackers.” These simple place-setting adornments make mealtimes more festive and add an element of extra conviviality and childlike…

NORFOLK, VA — Local dad Cory Logan glanced up from his iPhone today to mutter something or other to his teenage son about the dangers of technology."I think Dad started to say that humans were losing connection with something, but then he…

HELL, MI — Local husband and useless idiot Virgil Marlo met with disaster Monday after placing throw pillows on the bed in the wrong order. The clueless husband had attempted to tidy up after knocking the pillows on the floor."There.…

BUFFALO, NY — Local dad Michael Cochran explained to his kids that this year, he felt confident that Santa would rather find some beer and cigars waiting at the bottom of the chimney than milk and cookies."Santa is a huge fan of session…

It is bad that Americans are increasingly living alone. This is obvious, but there are dissenters. For example, Frank Bruni of The New York Times recently complained that his paper’s reporting on older Americans living alone framed this as…