Family

OTTAWA – A time traveller from the 25th century has reported that your grandfather packed some serious equipment and knew just how to use it. “I’m sure you only thought of your grandpa as a doddering old man,” said Blaze Glorpington when…

AMES, IA—Local mom Amanda Walker dejectedly told her husband she accomplished nothing today, having spent all her time taking care of infinitely precious children of God. "I felt like I worked so hard today, but somehow nothing got…

VICKSBURG, MS—A new hospital operated exclusively by dads will contain just one room for patients to go walk it off. "We are proud to provide the kind of great medical care here that only a dad can offer," said Chief of Medicine John…

MADISON, WI — Local man Mike Murphy arrived to the dinner table tonight with dreams of romance, but his hopes were quickly dashed after Mrs. Murphy showed up to the table already in her pajamas. “Man, I thought tonight we would…

ROLAND, IA—Local husband Justin Buble was "totally blindsided" by an event his wife only told him about every day for the past month, sources at the Buble household confirmed this afternoon. "What are you going to wear for dinner with the…

VILLA RICA, GA—On the way home from his family's long-anticipated trip to Disney World, toddler David Hayes informed his father that the Magic Kingdom had come up just short of a trip through the car wash. "Daddy! No more Disney! I…

CHEYENNE, WY—Local man Mike Campbell received his honey-do list over breakfast, and within moments calculated that his wife had doled out four podcasts' worth of chores. "Ok, trim the hedges—that's one Ben Shapiro," said…

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their…

HOUSTON, TX—Local mom Rachel Pilkington gathered her family around an ominious velvet curtain Thursday morning before dramatically pulling it away to unveil a totally doable summer activity schedule carefully laid out on a large bulletin…

WICHITA, KS—Researchers have confirmed that a dad's bodily functions will become exactly thirty decibels noisier with each passing year, ad infinitum. The effect appears to be universal, impacting every noise from sneezing to…