Family

BARTLETT, IL—With Christmas behind them and winter break still going, kids and parents around the country are going a little stir crazy. So when the Dahlen children in suburban Chicago saw a few inches of morning snow on the ground, they…

Scientists Confirm Average 3-Year-Old Contains More Destructive Force Than 47 Nuclear Missiles BALTIMORE, MD—Scientists working at Johns Hopkins University have begun studying the incredible energy levels of toddlers. They now believe the…

Study Finds Correlation Between Judging Parents With Misbehaving Kids And Never Having Been A Parent U.S.—A new study has found the majority of people who judge parents whose kids are misbehaving in public have never been parents…

Wife Delivers 'State Of The Household' Address As Soon As Husband Gets Home Each Day OAK RIDGE, TN—The much anticipated State Of The Household address, a daily address by the chief executive of the home, Mrs. Andrea Miller, and typically…

JUPITER, FL—A judge has granted sole custody of local boy James Halpwell to an iPad after it was determined that the iPad had done more to raise Halpwell than his parents. The iPad filed for sole custody after his biological parents went…

Family Gonna Be Sorry When They Want Some Trail Mix From Dad's Cargo Shorts They Just Made Fun Of ATLANTA, GA—Brent Barden's family likes to make fun of his cargo shorts, saying they're "pointless" and "out of style" and "weird." But one…

U.S.—A new app lets your spouse control the car with voice commands from the passenger seat. Whenever your spouse says things like, "Why don't you take Fifth, it's a lot faster?" or "This way's a lot slower than my way," the car will…

Dad Whips Out Multitool Faster Than Old West Gunslinger Whenever Anyone Needs Something Cut SAD HILL, NM—Sources close to local father Gary Henderson confirmed that the electrical engineer and father of three is able to whip out his…

SILVER SPRING, MD—Local parents Bill and Cindy Kaufmann completed an annual tradition Friday when they posted a photo of their 28-year-old son Justin moving back into their basement. After finishing his summer job as a volunteer counselor…

Alexa Helpfully Interrupts Couple's Argument To Provide Recordings Of Their Previous Conversations DOUGLASVILLE, GA—Dave and Melinda Georgio were having a bitter dispute about work Melinda wanted Dave to do around the house earlier today.…