Family

CINCINNATI, OH—According to sources, local dad Steve Brown has almost reached his breaking point as he attempts to hang a bunch of stupid Christmas lights up so his family will stop bugging him about it. Sources say he…

NORTHWOOD, MI—After years of hearing their kids beg for a dog, two local idiot parents actually bought a cute little puppy for their kids like a couple of absolute morons. "After holding off for years, I suppose it's finally time,"…

Couple Finally Gets A Break From Their Kids To Go On Date And Talk About Their Kids MAJESTIC SWAMPS, FL—The Andersons have not been out on a date for six months. Finally, their schedules aligned, and they managed to hire a babysitter and go…

MADISON, WI—The Wisconsin State Legislature has been asked to redraw a small district on the west side of Madison. Local husband Chad Harrison says the district has been drawn unfairly on the queen-size bed he and his wife sleep on,…

Progressive 5-Year-Old Claims Cookie Crumbs All Over His Face Are Part Of Russian Disinformation Campaign PORTLAND, OR—Local 5-year-old progressive child Hunter Gaiden was caught with his hand in the cookie jar today. There were clearly…

Man Forced To Resign As Patriarch After Failing To Bring All Groceries Inside In One Trip DES MOINES, IA—Local man Chad Bigglesworth was forced to resign as the head of the Bigglesworth household Tuesday after he failed to bring in all the…

Hey everyone, sorry it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. It’s just been crazy around here! Moms, I’m just going to say it.I know it’s not “politically correct,” but girl: It’s okay to take some wine time.In a world where our…

ROCHESTER, MN—According to sources, local wife and mother Lindsay Bennett left the house with her daughter last Saturday around noon to make a Target run, leaving her husband home to watch the rest of the kids. Lindsay had written a…

Baby Scientist Studying The Effect Of Gravity On Anything That Comes Near His Highchair RAPID FALLS, IA—Joey Tyler, aged fourteen months, has begun researching the effects of gravity. His main time for research is when he is in his high…

KATY, TX—Local woman Wendy Bryerson announced today she will not be confirming any of her husband Jake's restaurant nominations. The declaration came as Jake announced his nomination of Applebee's for tonight's dinner. Wendy Bryerson called…