Family

COLUMBUS, OH—In a stunning turn of events that's being called nothing short of miraculous, local woman Wendy Bryers successfully completed a trip to Target while spending under $100, sources confirmed Friday. Bryers went in with a short…

SUMMIT HEIGHTS, CO—When her husband, Luke, came down with the flu earlier this week, local woman Grace Detrude showed him Christlike love and compassion by immediately instituting a full quarantine to ensure no one else in the family got…

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Local mother Tiffany Johnson confirmed Wednesday that she immediately regretted asking for parenting advice on Facebook after her newborn baby developed a cough. The woman requesting advice for treating a sick infant was…

DICKSON, OK—A local homeschooled child has graduated a full 5 months before being born, sources confirmed. The Johnson family was proud to announce that the youngster has achieved his high school diploma at least six years earlier than…

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Local man Bert Matley confirmed Wednesday he's on the cusp of death after sneezing a few times, having come down with a mild cold. The man bid a bitter farewell to his family, gathering his wife and kids around him as he felt…

OPELIKA, AL—In a shocking development, every single member of the Stevens family managed to stay healthy for a full 24 hours, despite the family's four children constantly bringing germs, illness, and as-of-yet undiscovered diseases into…

Report: Every Last Ounce Of Play-Doh Gifted On Christmas Already Dried Up And Stuck To Carpet U.S.—A new study released Friday confirmed that all the Play-Doh that was gifted on Christmas is already dried up and stuck to carpets across the…

Nation's Fathers Engage In Time-Honored Ritual Of Telling Their Kids They Haven't Seen Them Since Last Year U.S.—In a beloved custom, every single father in the nation told their kids this morning that they haven't seen them since last…

Grinch Arrives To Steal Family's Christmas Decorations, Finds Local Mother Has Already Taken Them Down DES MOINES, IA—The Grinch reportedly arrived at a local residence to finish up his busy week of Christmas thievery, only to discover…

FALCON RIDGE, AZ—Local man George Matley was forced to fire his own son from assembling a Lego set the boy received for Christmas after he made one too many errors. Matley sat the boy down and told him his services were no longer required…