Family

ENCINO, CA—According to sources close to local 2-year-old Oliver Christensen, the discerning, sophisticated film buff carefully selected a 478th viewing of Cars 3 for his late-morning film before his afternoon nap Wednesday. After…

LOS ANGELES, CA—While researching possible cheap food and lodging for an upcoming weekend getaway for Memorial Day, local frugal dad Daniel Bernard reportedly suggested to his family that they simply sleep at Starbucks, to avoid paying…

The eternal struggle: getting your family to church on time. No matter how many times you yell at everyone that you’re all going to be late if you don’t get moving this instant, you still end up slipping in just before the sermon starts.…

U.S.—A new study of fatherhood in America found that the average dad spends up to 97% of his time running around the house turning off lights that the rest of the family left on. Researchers confirmed that the vast majority of fathers…

RYE, NY—Bob Larson’s neighbors claimed he was always friendly—an ordinary father, with a beautiful family and a well-kept home in an affluent neighborhood. But underneath the service, evil was lurking, as Mr. Larson was just detained by…

LOS ANGELES, CA—According to sources at the Johnson household, the Reformed family’s pathetic newborn Beverly couldn’t answer a single question out of the Westminster Shorter Catechism during family worship Wednesday evening. The family…

SANTEE, CA—Local Reformed man David Kesler has been excited to welcome his new daughter into the world, anxiously anticipating her arrival on an expected Monday due date. A member in good standing of a United Reformed Church, Kesler was…

FAIRFIELD, PA—Local parents Louis and Zoe Draper welcomed an adorable, 8 pound, 5 ounce, 20-inch-long tax credit into the world, sources at Mercy Hospital confirmed Thursday. The exhausted but beaming parents welcomed the newborn Child Tax…

LOS ANGELES, CA—Local woman and self-described feminist Ruby Alexis decided to temporarily shelve her firmly held belief that gender is nothing but a social construct while her boyfriend changed her car’s flat tire on the side of the road,…

VARLEY, NC—In an attempt to be admitted into the inner circles of Grace Baptist Church’s bustling social life, local woman Christy Anderson and her husband Jim recently had their first child, sources confirmed Monday. The couple had made…