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COLUMBUS, OH—Stressing that she felt almost entirely numb as she entered her fourth hour of viewership, local kindergartner Amelia Sanders told reporters Wednesday that she needed increasingly intense YouTube videos of a Latvian woman…

MINNETONKA, MN—Calling the armed forces of today a “far cry” from the honorable soldiers he recalled from his upbringing, local conservative resident Phil Hayes told reporters Friday he longed for a bygone era when the U.S. Army was 2…