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OTTAWA – Reports are coming in that Canadians from coast to coast engaged in horrifying acts of rudeness, thoughtlessness, and impoliteness during this year’s Purge Day: Canadian Edition. “The famously self-effacing spirit of our country…

“The human body can only shake with laughter for so long.” Welcome back to The Beaverton Weekly Report! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Clare Blackwood) talk Mark Carney’s first few days in office, the Conservatives…

EDMONTON – As her five-year-old Yorkshire Terrier disembowelled his latest victim, owner Krissie Powell has assured horrified onlookers that Buster never behaves like this. “Oh my gosh, I don’t know what’s gotten into my little guy today,”…

EDMONTON – Alberta’s experiment with private healthcare delivery is already paying off, as the system is generating scandals at a rate unheard of by the province’s public-facing healthcare system. “Scandals are very important to the…

TORONTO – In a province desperate for improvement on vital issues from housing to healthcare, voters who just made the logical choice to re-elect the same Premier they’ve had for the last 7 years say they are excited to learn exactly what…

EDMONTON – Local woman Melissa Orlon has reported that she is “over the moon” and “soooo blown away” by the depth of familiarity, passion and expertise her date of last night had for the online betting platform DraftKings. “At first, I…

BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous other politicians discovered years ago: aligning yourself with Trump…

OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action. “I always thought curling was just an excuse to get plastered,” said 43-year-old…

MONTREAL – As Team Canada gets set to play its first game in the inaugural 4 Nations Face-Off, fans across the country are ready to either celebrate a generation-defining victory or dismiss a totally meaningless defeat in a Mickey Mouse…

OTTAWA – Conservative insiders are growing concerned about Pierre Poilievre’s behaviour in recent days, as he is spending hours in his bedroom playing Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi while looking at photos of Trudeau. “Every time a new…