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WASHINGTON—Gesturing with a frail hand while shuddering under a blanket, President Joe Biden reportedly asked the nation Monday to come and sit by him and keep him company until the end. “Come, my hour draws near,” said Biden, who patted…

Start SlideshowAfter months of repeated attacks from Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida, The Onion asked Disney World employees how they felt about it, and this is what they said.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideMatt Short, Ride OperatorMatt…

In “Love Me Fierce In Danger: The Life of James Ellroy,” Steven Powell has produced an uneven account of a writer who is equal parts a profane and politically incorrect performance artist and a talented novelist. The reader comes away from…

President Joe Biden announced Tuesday that he’ll run for reelection in 2024 despite consistently low approval ratings. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of the president running for reelection.God Fact: Did You Know?OffEnglishPROSets…

WILMINGTON, DE—Describing how she had hit the ground running in managing the incumbent’s 2024 bid, President Joe Biden’s campaign manager Julie Chávez Rodríguez said Wednesday that her job mainly involved figuring out who exactly the…

WASHINGTON—According to the results of a new poll released Monday by Gallup, a majority of Americans stated they would respect President Joe Biden more if he shot them. “We found that Biden’s favorability among Americans on all ends of the…

WASHINGTON—Addressing members of the press corps with breathy coos and flirty air-kisses, a coy President Joe Biden reportedly appeared nude behind a folding fan Friday, presumably to tease a 2024 reelection campaign. “Run for president?…

Start SlideshowTake this practice test to see if you have the extraordinary knowledge, intelligence, and intolerance needed to pass a history class in Gov. Ron DeSantis’ Florida.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideQ: What was the Civil War…

MINNEAPOLIS—Giving way to pettiness and bickering in the wake of the passing of a beloved relative, a local family reportedly argued Monday over who should get the dead woman’s identity. “I was there taking care of Aunt Clarissa until the…

HOLLYWOOD—Confirming that it was here now, sources reported Friday that the Shazam! sequel has occurred. “The second Shazam! movie has happened,” said sources, adding that the film has come out, it will be out for a little while, and then…