fiction

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Following a series of transphobic comments by the Harry Potter author, the nation’s top evangelical leaders announced Monday that J.K. Rowling had finally become bigoted enough to make it okay for kids to read about…

DOVER, MA—Saying that he waited for this moment since he was 11 years old,local Harry Potter fan Graham Wheelan told reporters Friday that he always dreamed of receiving a magical defamation letter from J.K. Rowling. “I’m a defendant! I’m…

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to relieve some of the tremendous insecurity and anxiety he had been experiencing lately, President Joe Biden reportedly reassured himself Tuesday that people weren’t even thinking about him all that much. “People…

“He always comes at night, she’d said.” Is “he” a ghost, a memory, or something more real? That’s the crux of Kat Rosenfield’s new mystery thriller, “You Must Remember This,” where the present intertwines with the past, and the dangers of…

Biden’s second State of the Union has already generated a fair share of controversy, covering hot-button issues like inflation, police brutality, and rising tensions with China. The Onion asked Republicans what they thought of the address,…

WASHINGTON—President Joe Biden ended Tuesday night’s State of the Union address 45 seconds after he began it, limiting the annual speech to a few muttered phrases before he told the joint session of Congress and millions watching at home…

President Joe Biden informed Congress on Monday that he will end the twin national emergencies for addressing Covid-19 on May 11, as most of the world has returned closer to normality nearly three years after they were first declared. What…

WASHINGTON—Feigning shock and surprise over gruesome details about the murder of Tyre Nichols by Memphis Police, U.S. officials announced plans Friday to continue pretending brutal state-sponsored violence was not supposed to happen.…

SANTA BARBARA, CA—Divulging that the interactions with his brother often got physical, a passage leaked Monday from Spare, the explosive new memoir by Prince Harry, revealed that Prince William used far too much tongue whenever the brothers…

YouTuber The Critical Drinker (a.k.a. Will Jordan) has amassed more than a million followers by reviewing and taking apart movies and television series in savage diatribes that are as amusing as they are insightful. By no means a…