films

U.S. military officials found the crash site of an F-35 jet that went missing after a “mishap” caused its pilot to eject from the stealth aircraft, prompting the base to post on social media and ask anyone with information to call in. What…

WINNFIELD, LA—Reflecting that the experience taught him more about what it is to be alive than he had ever thought possible, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Anthony Sanford told reporters Wednesday that torturing detained migrants…

BELLINGHAM, WA—Admitting that his physical transformation didn’t even come close to cutting it, local nerd Hayden Gardner told reporters Monday he had spent all summer getting into shape only to discover his bully had worked out twice as…

Billy McFarland, who went to federal prison for crimes related to 2017’s infamous Fyre Festival, has announced that tickets for Fyre Festival 2 are now on sale for $499, though no dates, lineup, or location have been confirmed. What do you…

AUSTIN, TX—Claiming he would be totally free to come out once the party died down, local man Dan Gorski informed his wealthier friends Monday that he would love to meet up after everyone was done having fun. “If you’re still hanging out…

LOS ANGELES—In a last-ditch effort to turn a profit on the lackluster feature, Paramount Pictures managed to salvage a terrible film’s box-office numbers by promoting it as the movie liberals don’t want you to see, sources within the studio…

Though recent years have seen a dramatic uptick in child labor law violations, many states are rolling back protections for teenagers and permitting them to work more dangerous jobs. If you come into contact with a teenage factory worker,…

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AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to ensure the group had a cohesive look, local woman Taylor Wyatt reportedly informed her bridesmaids Wednesday they would be required to get matching plastic surgery for her wedding day. “I know it’s a lot to ask,…

Elizabeth Gilbert, the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love, announced that she is halting the release of her next book following a “massive” backlash about its setting in Russia. What do you think?“All stories should be set in niceplaces…