films

BOSTON—Noting that they definitely had some sort of mission statement when they started in 2015, leaders of a local nonprofit told reporters Tuesday that they no longer recall who they were originally planning to help. “Let’s see, I can…

NEW YORK—Pleading for a little extra time to scroll their “For You” page, the nation asked Friday if it could have just five more minutes on TikTok before Congress banned it. “We just want to finish this four-part video of this woman…

CHICAGO—With dumbfounded question marks and astounded exclamation points littering the margins of almost every page, the handwritten annotations found Wednesday in a secondhand copy of The Autobiography Of Malcolm X made it painfully…

STOCKTON, CA—Demonstrating a direct correlation between the two phenomena, local man Campbell Rymski’s reported use of the word ‘babe’ increased exponentially Monday as his girlfriend closed in on the truth. “Babe, please. Babe, it’s not…

PALO ALTO, CA—Noting the eerie feeling of being surveilled, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg reportedly expressed concern Tuesday that Facebook was listening to him after he received a targeted ad for a shirt that read “I Just Laid Off 10,000…

MINNEAPOLIS—Rolling their eyes at the man’s bullheadedness, sources confirmed Wednesdaythat local 65-year-old Patrick Moyer was so Covid paranoid he still would not remove his ventilator. “It’s been three years since the pandemic…

The expansion of SNAP benefits, also known as food stamps, that were put in place during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic is ending, pushing about 32 million Americans off a “hunger cliff.” What do you think?“They had almost three years…

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that it was important to always stay vigilant but not freak out about them or anything, the FBI released a list Tuesday of the 10 weirdest people who are actually harmless once you get to know them. “After countless…

LA GRANGE, IL—Demonstrating his extensive knowledge of the film industry, astute moviegoer Xavier Hoffman was reportedly able to discern Wednesday that the dog on screen was not really talking. “It may look real to the untrained eye, but if…

NEW YORK—Emerging from decades of self-imposed retirement to insert himself into your most intimate fantasies, actor and comedian Rick Moranis announced Monday that he had plans to pop into your head for no discernible reason right before…