films

‘No, It Looks…Yeah, It’s Just Surprising,’ Report StatesAUSTIN, TX—Weighing in on the matter after you had dressed for work and departed for the office, a new report issued Thursday determined that your choice of outfit this morning sure…

Police in France are hunting a gang of international Lego thieves that are raiding toy stores for valuable collectible sets that can eventually be sold for thousands of dollars on the black market. What do you think?“A heist where they can…

SPARTA, OH—Dismayed that such a beloved figure would risk tarnishing her image for a few bucks, local viewer Rodney O’Toole expressed confusion Friday about why a big celebrity like the Green M&M would stoop to doing a commercial. “It…

BURBANK, CA—Calling the project “nearly finished,” director Zack Snyder told reporters Thursday he was optimistic his new Justice League cut would be complete by the time first viewers finally reached act three. “I know millions of excited…

NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CA—Pulling back the curtain on the effort it takes to run the fleetingly successful account, Instagram trick-shot star Dylan Baker told reporters Thursday that he was getting pretty good at not holding down an actual job.…

The family of Malcolm X have released a former police officer’s written deathbed confession that implicates the NYPD and FBI in the 1965 assassination of the Black nationalist leader. What do you think?“Big deal. The NYPD murders people all…

VANCOUVER, WA—Unable to shake off an overall negative feeling he couldn’t attribute to anything in particular, local man Paul Carpenter confirmed Monday that something about the way society was exposed as a complete illusion over the past…

BOSTON, MA—Eyes darting across the chat window as they strained to divide their attention between the speakers, Certech Consulting employees reportedly watched in horror during a Monday morning video meeting as two coworkers who began…

ATLANTA—Urging the public in the strongest possible terms to avoid the hypothetical armaments, health officials across the country issued a statement Tuesday warning against getting zapped by any sort of futuristic space gun. “We recommend…

LOS ANGELES—Visibly exhausted from his hours-long binge, Christopher Nolan was reportedly still no closer to understanding the end of Tenet Tuesday after watching dozens of YouTube explainer videos. “Wait, so what the hell was that…