Finance

With companies pulling their ads from Twitter over the threat of hearing conservatives speak, Elon Musk has had to get creative in developing new revenue streams! Here are the nine new ways Mr. Musk is going to monetize Twitter:Allow users…

OTTAWA – To help combat record-high inflation and bring some relief to financially squeezed Canadians, The Bank of Canada announced Wednesday that they would hike the key interest rate for the third time this year, making entirely different…

MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the same friend that is always losing money. “Sure, the…

WILMINGTON—This week, local man Don Johnson told friends and family he had been struck with a revelation: his “Bored Ape” NFT may not have been a bulletproof investment vehicle, and perhaps he should have diversified his investments a bit.…

AUSTIN, TX—With the stock market crashing and a recession seeming more likely, local crypto investor Sid Sanchez is thankful he can at least still afford imaginary cryptofood and a pretend cryptocar. "It's a good thing I invested my entire…

NATIONWIDE- A new study conducted by Statistics Canada has shown that only around 7% of Canadians are expected to accrue enough revenge to fully pay off the amount of blood debt they have or will incur in their lives. “Blood feud settlement…

NASHVILLE, TN—This Tuesday, a woman called in to “The Dave Ramsey Show” under compulsion from concerned relatives. Dave Ramsey, the show’s host, listened to her explanation of how she landed in $51,600 of credit card debt and then told her…

OTTAWA – In the wake of this week’s trillion dollar crypto-market meltdown, Conservative leadership candidate Pierre Poilievre has vowed to find an even riskier and more fraud-prone investment trend to campaign on. “In March I promised to…

PACIFIC PALISADES, CA—After the spectacular crash in the cryptocurrency market this week, Matt Damon and his publicists worked overtime to produce a new commercial to apologize for convincing amateurs to invest in cryptocurrency. “History…

LUXEMBOURG—To honor women, The Ferrero Group has repackaged the popular candy bar 100 Grand® as 77 Grand® to account for women making only 77 cents on the dollar. The limited-edition candy bar will also cost twice as much and…