Finance

PEAKS HOLLOW, MT—Local man Hank Grizzle started up his personal savings account strong this year by saving 16 cents on his July 4 BBQ. And his account just got another boost with the 2-cent savings on gas the country has seen over the last…

Man Excited For Giant Refund After Claiming $1 Million Of 'Unrealized Charitable Donations' RENO, NV—According to sources, local taxpayer Brad Chuckston just finished preparing his taxes and is looking forward to a large refund after…

CONWAY, AR—Ten-year-old Billy Smurth’s birthday party went from fun to frightening when U.S. Secretary of Treasury Janet Yellen burst out of his birthday cake to take his birthday money. “No! Don’t take off your—” Billy’s dad yelled before…

White House Says You Would Be Able To Afford Food If You Had Kept The 16 Cents You Saved On July 4th WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking at a press conference early Tuesday, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki reminded American citizens that…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has formulated a brilliant new plan to pay for Joe Biden's "Build Back Better" plan, which still needs to be paid for even though Biden said the cost was $0. To accomplish this, she…

U.S.—Economists are warning that on its current trajectory, the U.S. will have no food, no jobs, and our pets' heads will soon be falling off. As the supply crisis worsens and Americans are still refusing to return to work, concerns have…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—To commemorate Biden securing a 16 cent savings on barbecue expenses for every American this year, the U.S. Treasury has announced the minting of a new 16 cent coin featuring Biden's likeness stamped on them. "This will be…

Man Spending $5 A Gallon On Gas Excited To Learn He Will Save $0.16 On Cheese This Year LOS ANGELES, CA—Local man Henry Truckman was filling up his gas tank today in preparation for the holiday weekend. The 19-gallon tank in his 2016 Camaro…

People Who Ruined World's Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World's Economies CORNWALL—According to sources, the people who ruined the world's economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the…

FRANKLIN, TN—Gushing that they never imagined they would find a dwelling that fit all their needs and desires, thrilled investment firm BlackRock reportedly announced Friday the purchase of its 800,000th dream home. “We’ve always wanted to…