Finance

U.S.—Economists are warning that on its current trajectory, the U.S. will have no food, no jobs, and our pets' heads will soon be falling off. As the supply crisis worsens and Americans are still refusing to return to work, concerns have…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—To commemorate Biden securing a 16 cent savings on barbecue expenses for every American this year, the U.S. Treasury has announced the minting of a new 16 cent coin featuring Biden's likeness stamped on them. "This will be…

Man Spending $5 A Gallon On Gas Excited To Learn He Will Save $0.16 On Cheese This Year LOS ANGELES, CA—Local man Henry Truckman was filling up his gas tank today in preparation for the holiday weekend. The 19-gallon tank in his 2016 Camaro…

People Who Ruined World's Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World's Economies CORNWALL—According to sources, the people who ruined the world's economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the…

FRANKLIN, TN—Gushing that they never imagined they would find a dwelling that fit all their needs and desires, thrilled investment firm BlackRock reportedly announced Friday the purchase of its 800,000th dream home. “We’ve always wanted to…

NEW YORK—Listening enraptured as the most powerful people in the world discussed their process, the United States Congress took a field trip to Goldman Sachs headquarters Thursday to learn about how laws get made. “I’ve always wondered how…

A federal judge has blocked the National Rifle Association from filing for bankruptcy protection, ruling that it was a bad-faith attempt to fend off a lawsuit by the New York attorney general for financial abuses. What do you think?“Huh, I…

FRANKLIN, TN—Dave Ramsey is facing a massive scandal after his wife Sharon reported catching the “Total Money Makeover” author and debt-free living advocate looking at illicit images of credit card applications online.…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden proposed a $2 trillion spending bill Monday for the purpose of determining the cause of rising inflation. This is Biden’s fourth proposed $2 trillion bill in as many months. “The cause of inflation is a…

HEAVEN—As part of an ongoing restoration project in heaven, the streets of gold in the place of eternal peace with God are soon to be replaced with Dogecoin. Construction machines began moving throughout the heavenly city, tearing up…