Finance

After Accumulating $999,999,999, Man Stops Earning Money So People Won’t Get Mad At Him NEW YORK, NY—Successful businessman Kelvin Wood was alarmed when he checked his bank account. His net worth was now $999,999,999, putting him…

Elizabeth Warren's Plan To Pay For Medicare For All: Spend So Much The National Debt Clock Rolls Over To Zero U.S.—Many were startled by the cost of Elizabeth Warren’s Medicare for All plan, estimated to be a whopping $52 trillion. “Is this…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Conservatives in Congress proudly announced Monday they have achieved their goal of conserving massive budget deficits. "These progressives want to destroy our country by getting rid of all of our traditions," said Senate…

U.S.—A tough, high-priced, and brutally competitive housing market is forcing more and more millennials to live in a van down by the river. Many 20-30 somethings are also having to live on a steady diet of government cheese, sources…

Financial Experts Recommend Breaking Into Your Neighbors' Houses And Smashing All Their Pots To See If They Have Any Rupees U.S.—As a recession seems to be looming in the nation, financial advice experts are recommending Americans prepare…

Young Living Unveils New Corporate Offices That Look Suspiciously Like Giant Pyramid LEHI, UT—Young Living Essential Oils unveiled its new upgraded Lehi headquarters at its annual conference last week. The new office is a looming,…

U.S.—It’s well known that millennials have a savings problem thanks to their student debt and expensive habits such as avocado toast and Tide Pods, but there is now evidence that trend is turning around and that the Gratingest Generation is…

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In a Facebook update posted Friday, local woman Mandy Lytle proudly announced that she was starting up an exciting new "lose-money-from-home" business scheme. The woman was recruited into the fun, lucrative…

MUSHROOM KINGDOM—The Mushroom Kingdom's economy has continued to topple as rapid hyperinflation devastates the country's currency, the gold coin. Economists have long warned this could happen. Decades ago, the Mushroom Kingdom featured…

In Last-Ditch Effort To Save Company, Sears Slashes Prices To Just 40% More Than Amazon's HOFFMAN ESTATES, IL—In a last-ditch effort to save its Sears retail stores, Sears Holdings announced a no-holds-barred blowout sale, slashing prices…