Food

NEW BERLIN, NY—Taking the rookie employee aside to offer him “a word to the wise,” Chobani CEO Hamdi Ulukaya warned new hire Austin Cook that he was in the yogurt game now, company sources confirmed Friday. “I don’t know what they taught…

Last week, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced plans to eliminate a spate of artificial food dyes from the American food supply. Most of these dyes, such as Red 40, serve no nutritional function and are…

Steinbach, MB – After briefly perusing the menu at a local Italian restaurant, Irene Everett concluded her adult son would probably like the risotto best. “I know my mom means well, but I’m a grown man who can read a menu and decide I want…

Chipotle has announced plans to expand into Mexico, sharing that their first restaurant will open early next year. What do you think? “Makes sense, Mexican food is big down there.” Mary North, Book Inscriber “Great, I’ll…

SILVER SPRING, MD—Emphasizing that these guidelines had already been issued to the public plenty of times, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration released a passive-aggressive safety alert Thursday reminding Americans that the serving tongs…

MARYVILLE, TN—Relying on a precise measurement as though a slight miscalculation could be lethal, local woman Anna Gardner, who is said to be on a diet, reportedly weighed out peanut butter Thursday like it was hard drugs. Several reports…

CHICAGO—Acknowledging the profound and deeply bittersweet paradox, local man Gary Lanetti reported Tuesday that “grief is the price we pay for love” as he clutched an empty package of salami close to his chest. “Opening yourself up to true…

VATICAN CITY—Landing in the emergency room after he ended his solemn Easter blessing by vomiting bright colors from a balcony onto the crowd in St. Peter’s Square, His Holiness Pope Francis was admitted back into the hospital Sunday as a…

Food scientists discovered that Postia stiptica, a type of mushroom found in the U.K. and Ireland, contains a chemical identified as the most bitter-tasting substance ever found. What do you think? “This is a huge step forward for…

Scientists recently had the opportunity to taste a batch of “space miso” fermented for 30 days aboard the International Space Station, noting it had a nuttier and more roasted quality than typical soybean paste made on Earth. What do you…