food and drink

Eating right is a great way to boost your immune system as well as your mental health, but changing your habits and sticking to a regimen can be daunting. Fortunately, you don’t have to do any of that hard work, if you follow The Onion’s…

LOS ANGELES—The internet was lit ablaze with fierce debate Wednesday morning as cooking podcast host Lisa Quinn was reportedly under fire for her controversial claim that vaccines give you potatoes. “I’m just saying that there is data…

HEBRON, WEST BANK—Lamenting the loss of his favorite summer treat, Israeli soldier Avi Berman told reporters Friday that patrolling the West Bank just wasn’t the same without a big cone of Chunky Monkey in his hand. “I used to spend all…

JERUSALEM—Following the ice cream manufacturer’s decision to stop selling its products in occupied Palestinian territory, Israel escalated tensions Thursday by closing its embassy inside Ben & Jerry’s factory. “Ben & Jerry’s hostile…

NORWICH, NY—Urging consumers to discard the products immediately and apply for a refund, Chobani announced Friday that it had recalled thousands of containers of yogurt that had given people yogurt. “We are asking customers to search their…

ASHEVILLE, NC—Calling it the greatest threat to the restaurant’s ideals since the Butterfly Shrimp Tackle Box was added to the menu in 2009, strict Popeyes originalist Ryan Malburg spoke out Thursday against the chain’s plan to begin…

Defending world champion Joey Chestnut broke his own record Sunday, devouring 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes, 26 more than the second-place finisher in the Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest. What do you think?“I fear that one…

A California man has been arrested for allegedly stealing 21 tons of pistachio nuts valued at over $100,000 from an agricultural company, with authorities eventually finding the nuts hidden inside a nearby trailer and already packaged for…

NEW YORK—Smiling broadly as he entered the polling place, mayoral candidate Andrew Yang tried to buy a banana from a voting booth, election workers confirmed Tuesday. “I’ll have a banana and a coffee, then I’ll get out of your hair—you’re…

The Girl Scouts have reported that 15 million boxes of cookies have gone unsold this year, a surplus caused by the absence of in-person sales due to the Covid-19 pandemic and a drop in membership. What do you think?“I’m going to get high a…