Food

CLEVELAND—In a well-meaning but ultimately futile attempt at emotional support, Chuck Fineman, a local husband who was no closer to fixing things, was thinking “Maybe hot dog will make wife feel better,” sources confirmed Friday. “Hot dog…

KFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, is leaving its namesake state, moving its corporate headquarters to Plano, TX from Louisville, KY. What do you think? “So that’s what the ‘C’ stands for.” Randy Templeton, Research…

An Ornate cat-eyed snake was found hiding in a bunch of bananas at a New Hampshire grocery store, the reptile having been accidentally stowed away among a shipment of the fruit. What do you think? “This is why every American should…

The skyrocketing price of eggs have caused some shoppers to consider keeping their own backyard laying hens, though experts say there are drawbacks that may make starting a chicken coop more expensive than many believe. What do you think?…

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled about 2 million baked goods sold nationwide, including some doughnuts and coffee rolls purchased at Dunkin’, due to concerns the products might be contaminated with listeria. What do you think?…

HARTFORD, CT—Telling his skeptical friends that he was in no way being hyperbolic as he described his ravenous state, local man Will Childress reportedly swore Wednesday that he was so hungry he could eat an orange. “Man, my stomach has…

ST. GEORGE, UT—With the water vapor causing condensation to form on the lenses and impair his vision, local man Patrick Whittle was reportedly forced Thursday by his fogged-up glasses to finish his soup using his other senses. “In my…

From the Secret Service on Tuesday came word that Donald Trump will attend Sunday’s Super Bowl, making him the first sitting president to do so. Given his myriad responsibilities, he won’t have time to stay in New Orleans for long — but he…

ROCHESTER, MN — Reports are coming in that a ham and cheese sandwich suffered a grievous injury in its internal ingredients, necessitating medical evacuation to the Mayo Clinic. “This is about as serious a case as I’ve ever seen,” said…

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has banned the use of red dye No. 3 in food, beverages, and ingested drugs, more than 30 years after scientists discovered links to cancer in animals. What do you think? “Good thing I cut out…