Food

It was a nice, long holiday weekend — God bless the troops! — and I’m not ready to kill my buzz by talking about politics just yet. But I am ready to address this highly important New York Times article about how dining out is so…

NORTH HAVEN, CT—With friends and family celebrating his storied life in the wake of his recent passing, sources confirmed this week that a local 89-year-old man left behind a rich history of processing and excreting nutrients. “Throughout…

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OTTAWA – As part of their latest budget, the Trudeau Liberals have announced an additional measure to help financially squeezed Canadians: a new tax free savings account to help Canadians save for groceries. “Across the country, Canadians…

Toronto, ON – Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. has recently explained to politicians on Parliament Hill that his record-breaking profits during difficult economic times are only due to Canadians’ modern fascination with eating. “It’s a very…

SURREY, BC – Shocking reports suggest that your token white friend just prepared your cultural dish and it tasted better than anything you’ve ever made, in what is being considered the world’s first culinary hate crime. “I mean, you hear…

EDMONTON – Sources in Jason Freeman’s apartment have reported that the 28-year-old accountant is finally finishing up the HelloFresh meal kit that arrived over four weeks ago. “Jason just let the box take up space in the fridge until…

Brantford, ON – McDonald’s just announced the release of its new Big Mac sauce-flavoured personal lubricant. Following the success of the Chicken Big Mac and Big Mac sauce dip, the fast-food giant believes this is the next logical step for…

I am fortunate to be part of a vibrant Google group (that has since spun off into an excellent Substack), where weekly conversations can run the gamut from intense national security discussions to analyzing Taylor Swift’s latest album.…

A new poll found that one in eight adults between the ages of 50 and 80 reported signs of addiction to highly processed foods, with symptoms including intense cravings, inability to cut down intake despite a desire to do so, and signs of…