Food

OTTAWA – Health Canada released a years long comprehensive study linking sugar with having a zest for life. This unprecedented report revealed the group who got to eat something sweet with every meal beat out the group who had to abstain in…

LETHBRIDGE – According to sources embedded in The Bean Machine, all of the coffee shop’s patrons groaned when they saw an employee open a cupboard and remove a microphone stand. “I figured she was just getting some more napkins or…

NANAIMO, BC — The City of Nanaimo admitted today that despite being the place where its near 100,000 residents call their home, live their lives, and dream their dreams, those accomplishments paled in comparison to being the birthplace of…

QUEBEC – After receiving thousands of complaints related to pouring issues, bagged milk distributor Saputo has begun attaching a nipple to milk bags for increased dispensing control. The dairy giant has stepped up to save Canadians from…

HALIFAX – Sources report that Daniel Strickland has amazed onlookers by easily avoiding the steam that poured out of his microwave dinner as he peeled back its plastic seal. “I thought he was going to be burned for sure,” said…

FREDERICTON — New Brunswick microbrewery Weasel Belly Ales has won the 2022 Liquid Innovation Prize for developing a new style of beer that experts say tastes like sweat. The winning brew, a pale lager called Locker Room Carpet, was…

MONTREAL – Montreal Mayor Valerie Plante announced a new measure where tourists will no longer be allowed to leave the city limits unless they have eaten one of the city’s signature dishes, a poutine. The poutine, a food that appears at…

We’ve all been there- someone is telling you a story, probably an extremely personal one that requires your full attention, but also there’s a bowl of salt and vinegar chips right there, bathed in angelic light, looking all delicious and…

VANCOUVER, BC – Canadians are in for a treat this week with the return of two beloved national pastimes: Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim contest – and also worrying about the devastating outcome of a looming nuclear holocaust. “It’s about…

HALIFAX, NS – A shocking new report written by acclaimed naturalist, David Attenborough, and published by unlikelyrecipes.com suggests that not only are turtles delicious, but they conveniently come with a biodegradable bowl. “They’re my…