foot

CHICAGO—Stewing in envy as it observed its adjacent neighbor, local big toe Stubs McPherson told reporters Tuesday that it would kill to be a slender, graceful second toe. “She has no idea how good she has it,” said McPherson, who claimed…

KENT, OH—Urging consumers to immediately return every arch-support device it had ever sold, popular foot-care brand Dr. Scholl’s recalled all its products this week after announcing the only way to fix flat feet was with eugenics. “While we…

WASHINGTON—Crouching down with a large magnifying glass to his eye, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy reportedly exclaimed, “A clue!” Friday after finding footprints on the House floor matching President Joe Biden’s shoes. “I say, this footprint…

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