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Years Of Inbreeding Causes Dog To Birth British Man

MANASSAS, VA—Producing numerous congenital and physical anomalies that include extreme Anglo-Saxon deformities, years of inbreeding reportedly caused a pug named Mabel to give birth to a British man Monday. “It appears that excessive…

How To Perform A Breast Self-Exam

With incidence rates increasing over the past two decades, more doctors are recommending routine self-checks to catch early signs of breast cancer. Here’s how to perform a breast self-exam. Remove your clothes and place them in a safe…

Area Loser Declared Patient Zero In Loneliness Epidemic

WASHINGTON—Citing the results of an exhaustive five-year inquiry into the source of the outbreak of social isolation currently plaguing the United States, the Department of Health and Human Services declared Wednesday that Dayton, OH–area…

Texas Bans Sale Of Luggage To Pregnant Women

AUSTIN, TX—In a sweeping prohibition with immediate implications for the Lone Star State’s potential mothers-to-be, Texas banned the sale of luggage to pregnant women Monday. “With this law, we ensure that no gestating woman living in…

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