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Hilaria Baldwin Deported

NEW YORK—In a stunning end to the 40-year-old media personality’s rise to fame, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed Monday that Hilaria Baldwin had been deported to Spain. Baldwin, who is set to star in a new reality series…

Haunted By Nudist Ghost

This restored 1860s Victorian is haunted by a fanatically nudist ghost. Previous owners got sick of waking up in the middle of the night stark naked with their pajamas in a shredded pile at their feet. Don’t bother trying to get away with a…

Ava Barden

Ava Barden, 14, imagined dying Thursday evening. In her head, she was survived by her crush Ethan Loughran, whom she imagined weeping as he laid a single white rose on her gravestone. Ava’s family members request that she come down from her…

‘New York Times’ To Cease Publication

NEW YORK—With the struggling newspaper admitting this was the final nail in its coffin, The New York Times announced this week that it would permanently cease publication, saying there was no way it could compete with The Onion’s newly…

What Issues Are Most Important To Gen Z Voters?

Gen Z voters ages 18 to 27 could tip the scale in a tight race for the White House. The Onion shares the issues that are most important to the nation’s youngest eligible voters heading into the 2024 election. Economy: Like generations…

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