freaks

NEW YORK—Citing their complete lack of self-awareness and inability to read basic social cues, the nation’s CEOs gathered Monday to announce their plan to be total fucking freaks when you run into them in the bathroom. “Please note that we…

KANSAS CITY, MO—Rolling their eyes as the tulip poplar they sat beneath began to rustle Monday, local witnesses reported that a wildly flailing tree was exaggerating its reaction to what was nothing more than a gentle breeze. “Ugh, can you…