gastroenterology

MONTCLAIR, NJ—Saying that a lot had changed since Old St. Nick left the North Pole last Christmas, a local mall Santa instructed children Monday not to sit on Santa’s colostomy bag. “Ho, ho, ho, Santa is so excited to see all his favorite…

KENT, WA—Touting the new line of chewable tablets as a cold-weather essential for outdoor gastric activity, retailer REI announced Monday that it had begun offering a new line of fleece supplements designed to insulate the digestive tract.…

WASHINGTON—Buoyed by their success in restricting female reproductive rights, the GOP reportedly launched a new legislative effort Monday to control women’s pancreases. “Every day, women are using pancreatic enzymes to break down food…