god almighty

THE HEAVENS—Describing the experience as among the most painful a father can go through, the Lord God Almighty opened up to reporters Monday about the struggle of losing His only son to video game addiction. “What really gets to Me is…

THE HEAVENS—Emphasizing His Eternal Kingdom’s infinite supply of prime real estate “just waiting to be developed,” the Lord God Almighty announced plans Monday to bulldoze heaven and build luxury condominiums. “Soon we will begin demolition…

THE HEAVENS—Claiming that love had made Him do crazy things, the Lord God Almighty admitted Monday that sending the Great Flood to destroy the evil He beheld upon the earth was just a misguided attempt to impress Jodie Foster. “Truth be…

THE HEAVENS—Saying He was surprised and intrigued by the sudden new insight into His divine heritage, the Lord God Almighty told reporters Thursday He had recently learned He was 25% Puerto Rican. “I honestly had no idea, but it turns out…