hammered

COLUMBUS, OH—Slurring their words while issuing a barrage of loud complaints, coworkers of local brown-nosing employee Kathleen Morris told reporters Wednesday that she never showed up drunk to meetings. “That absolute kiss-ass has never…

NORTHBROOK, IL—Frustrated by his obvious level of intoxication, Ms. Pac-Man could reportedly tell within moments that the man currently operating her Friday was drunk as fuck. “Christ, as soon as this dude slammed his meaty paw down on the…

MIAMI—Dismissing efforts to curb the coronavirus pandemic, spring breaker Jaden Renfrow told reporters Tuesday that he wouldn’t let the city’s curfew policy stop him from doing whatever he does while blackout drunk. “You’re stupid if you…