Health Canada

OTTAWA — Following recommendations by the Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) to put warning labels on alcohol, Health Canada has issued an advisory informing Canadians they can minimise their cancer-risk by ingesting a…

OTTAWA – Officials at Health Canada have come up with a new strategy to drum up attention for the new bivalent COVID vaccine – by taking off its glasses and some chic bangs. “I know the bivalent vaccine looks a little dowdy and unappealing…

NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees still planning to “Move to Canada” should please bring some…

OTTAWA, ON – The ban on blood donations from men who have had sex with other men within the last three months has been lifted, as was announced earlier today by an oiled-up twink wearing only a chest harness and a jockstrap at the official…

OTTAWA – Following a recent census, Health Canada has determined the sole source of vaccine hesitancy comes from an adverse reaction experienced by ‘friend’s, cousin’s, boyfriend’ or some similar rumour with three degrees of separation.…

OTTAWA – Announcing a new set of guidelines for Canadians before assembled press, representatives with Health Canada have confirmed that vaccinated residents are now permitted to cough directly into each other’s mouths as much as they want.…

NATIONWIDE – As Canadians slowly prepare to re-enter society after more than a year in lockdown, scientists around the country are warning makeup users not to use the products that have been sitting in their purses for the past year,…

OTTAWA – The Canadian government is pleased to announce that Health Canada has approved AstraZeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine, yet another vaccine that most Canadians won’t have access to for six months, if they’re lucky. “I think all Canadians…