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U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy has called for warning labels on social media platforms similar to those on tobacco or alcohol, stating that social media preys on developing brains and contributes to excessive use. What do you think?“He’s…

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NEW YORK—Expressing his intention to spare no expense during his stay at New York­–Presbyterian Hospital, wealthy patient Duncan Barrow reportedly ordered three of each procedure upon his admittance to the facility Friday. “You know what,…

BETHESDA, MD—Shedding new light on the dangers of rope tied into a hangman’s knot, a study from the National Institutes of Health released Thursday found that the suicide rate was higher among noose owners. “Some people may think they need…

A federal advisory committee voted overwhelmingly against the authorization of MDMA, commonly known as ecstasy, as a treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder, expressing concerns about the integrity of the particular trials up for…

SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to better cater to its target market, telehealth company Hims has reportedly begun selling bags of chips for depressed, impotent losers who are also hungry. “Experiencing anxiety? ED? A rumble in your tummy? Hims…

INDIANAPOLIS—Admitted with complaints that it had been hard to tell the difference between their fingers and their food, everyone in Unity Medical Center emergency room Friday had bitten a digit off their hand while holding a sandwich,…

THE HEAVENS—In an effort to determine the efficacy of a divine law that may one day join those in His current Decalogue, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Wednesday that He was testing out a potential new commandment on…

BALTIMORE—Offering a glimpse into a future that seemed straight out of a science-fiction film, fertility researchers at Johns Hopkins University told reporters Monday that scientific advances could one day allow parents to choose the name…