health medical pharma

Eating right is a great way to boost your immune system as well as your mental health, but changing your habits and sticking to a regimen can be daunting. Fortunately, you don’t have to do any of that hard work, if you follow The Onion’s…

KENT, OH—Urging consumers to immediately return every arch-support device it had ever sold, popular foot-care brand Dr. Scholl’s recalled all its products this week after announcing the only way to fix flat feet was with eugenics. “While we…

ROCHESTER, MN—Saying it would be a great way for them to hang out together and bond as a couple, local girlfriend Tasha Emerson reportedly signed herself and her boyfriend Doug Purdom up for medical school this week. “Oh, come on, don’t…

Report: Taylor Swift’s Parents Dating Travis Kelce’s ParentsNASHVILLE, TN—In the latest relationship development that fans of the power couple called “adorable,” sources confirmed Thursday that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s parents were…

WASHINGTON—In an effort to address the nation’s mental health crisis, the American Psychological Association issued a blanket recommendation Monday for depressed individuals to cheer themselves up with a cool, tasty root beer float. “In…

A new study found that participants who completed a variety of challenging tasks in a state of anger performed better than participants who felt other emotions such as sadness, desire, or amusement. What do you think? “Greed works too,…

WASHINGTON—Describing his own positive experience when he sought mental health treatment earlier this year, Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) reportedly reached out Friday to a Gazan child who had lost his entire family in an airstrike and…

WASHINGTON—In what he described as a dire situation that could lead to a public health crisis, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned Tuesday that the ongoing loneliness epidemic could result in more Americans being forced to sing both…

TEL AVIV—Explaining why they had continued airstrikes and launched a ground offensive in the Palestinian enclave, Israeli officials warned Monday that Gaza was still harboring hundreds of doctors. “It is repugnant to demand that Israel…

MINNEAPOLIS—Following a long and particularly stressful surgery, a team of exhausted doctors at Fairview Memorial Hospital pronounced patient Ross Neal, 79, dead enough, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Time of pretty much death, 2:45 a.m.” said…