Health + Wellness

FOXFIELD, CO—As he näively filled the household appliance with little regard for the consequences of his actions, local man and humidifier owner Greg Shulman reportedly wondered Thursday “How different could purified and distilled water…

A growing body of evidence suggests that GLP-1 drugs, which include semaglutide, the active ingredient in Ozempic, may be useful for treating alcohol use disorder. What do you think? “I usually drink wine to reduce alcohol…

Sexually transmitted infections, also known as STIs or STDs, affect millions of Americans every year. The Onion debunks the many misconceptions people have about STIs. MYTH: STI tests are inconvenient. FACT: The clinic will mail your penis…

SPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local man Patrick Davies’ life that is not currently giving him cancer, sources confirmed Thursday. Unlike every other physical item…

An outbreak of avian flu is currently affecting birds both on farms and in the wild. The Onion debunks common myths surrounding the virus. MYTH: Bird flu only affects birds. FACT: Bird flu can affect anyone with a beak. MYTH: Bird flu has…

According to a new study, cognitively normal human brain samples collected at autopsy in early 2024 contained more tiny shards of plastic than samples collected eight years prior, with the average containing the equivalent of an entire…

A study published in the journal Nature Medicine found that about a million Americans a year are expected to develop dementia by 2060, roughly double today’s toll. What do you think? “Is there anything I can do now to make sure I…

With the start of a new year, millions of Americans are honing in on their fitness goals and returning to the gym, including the weight room floor. The Onion dispels the common myths many people have about strength training. MYTH:…

A study published in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine found that short bursts of movement throughout the day, no matter how small, can help the heart, especially for women. What do you think? “I’m knitting as intensely as I…

MINNEAPOLIS—Cackling in gleeful anticipation, the staff at local gym Verve Fitness reportedly installed confusing new equipment Monday to mess with anyone joining in January. “Good luck getting back in shape, idiots—you’ll never figure out…