Health

CHICAGO, IL — Local man John Archer has decided to resume wearing a mask in order to let everyone around him know he's terrible at risk analysis."I can't stress enough how truly awful I am at understanding risks and benefits," said Mr.…

I didn’t have dystopian back-to-school shopping lists on my 2023 bingo card, but here we are. USA Today recently published “Not your average back-to-school supply list,” which included contraception, fentanyl test strips and…

SEATTLE, WA — Liberal man Jonathan Seymour passed away, dying on the toilet as he awaited instructions from the Center for Disease Control on how to wipe his own butt."I kept telling him to just go for it," said housemate Ronald Mills.…

At the same time that emergency room visits for children in psychiatric crisis are surging, a recent medical paper studying these ER visits suggests “behavior health equity” as a prognosis for the “bottlenecks and backlogs of patients in…

A Canadian gender studies professor claims new drugs deployed in the fight against obesity is a “dangerous” new front in the culture war on “fatphobia.” Fady Shanouda is an associate professor at the Feminist Institute of Social…

Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., filed a criminal referral with the Department of Justice against Anthony Fauci for allegedly lying to Congress about the National Institutes of Health’s gain-of-function research. While we don’t desire to see Fauci…

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Jeremy Carmichael made a groundbreaking dietary discovery this week after realizing he could shed a few pounds by not stopping at the local Chevron on his way to work every morning to purchase a double-decker…

A pack of Skittles contains 45 grams of sugar, the equivalent of 11 teaspoons. 11 teaspoons. Imagine shoving a spoon into a bag of sugar and eating 11 teaspoons without vomiting. Mars Wrigley, the company that makes Skittles, manages to…

U.S. — An expert panel of sociologists has weighed in on the decline of Western civilization, and they believe they've found the exact moment that our society began to crumble: namely, when McDonald's started taking out those little…

It took far too long, but finally, patients needing life-saving organ transplants may end up getting the high-quality care they both need and deserve. As a disability advocate and mother of a young child with cystic fibrosis, I applaud this…