Health

EXTON, PA—To save time at his next physical, 38-year-old Juan Ohero’s doctor has asked him to just tell him what parts of his body aren’t hurting. The small adjustment is expected to save both Otero and his doctor several hours of…

MUSKOKA – As the weather gets warmer, it’s natural to feel a little vulnerable about showing extra skin, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Tina Fontina, entomologist and personal trainer, is here with all the tips and tricks to get…

SANTA ANA, CA—Three-year-old Sean Lima checked himself into rehab this past week due to a crippling Pepperidge Farm Goldfish addiction, according to sources. The stay in rehab follows a mandatory court order after the child was taken to the…

New documents confirm the COVID vaccine is only 12% effective! Oh well... they tried. And everyone had fun, didn't they? Here are a few things that ended up being more effective than the vaccine:1) CNN+2) Telling your wife to calm…

WASHINGTON D.C. — After a draft opinion was leaked from the Supreme Court yesterday stating the Court’s intention to overturn Roe v. Wade, feminists across the country celebrated finally being validated after warning people that this would…

WORLD—According to sources, scientists are no closer to figuring out how 12 ounces of coffee can become 6 gallons of pee within mere hours of enjoying your morning beverage. Scientists who've spent their whole lives researching this…

GENEVA – In a long expected admission by assembled health and safety representatives, citizens of countries across the world have been informed that we are all just going to have to endure regular, periodic outbreaks of Vladimir Putin. “At…

U.S.—According to medical professionals, people turning 35 years of age enter a new phase of life characterized by an endless cycle of dieting and back pain until the merciful release of death. "When we released our findings, everyone over…

CALGARY, AB – A new study from the Centre for Canadian Mental Health and Wellness (CCMHW) found that among Canadians aged 18-35, the near-ubiquitous cause of mental distress was the thing they were depending on to escape that mental…

While Democrats demand new entitlement programs to enhance the affordability of American child care, Republicans are debuting alternative solutions with diverging mechanisms for parental relief. In April last year, Missouri Republican Sen.…