Health

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Ford’s Ontario PC’s have passed controversial new legislation that could force hospital patients awaiting long-term care to be stored in long-term self storage units not of their own choosing. “Folks, we need some…

TOKYO — Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced a new drug to fix the side effect from their last new drug, which was developed to fix the side effect from the one before that."Finally, relief for the massive hemorrhoids caused by our…

Celebrity doctor and Pennsylvania Republican Senate candidate Mehmet Oz was raked over the coals this week for his campaign offering some unsolicited medical advice to his Democratic rival, Lt. Gov. John Fetterman. In May, Fetterman…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The entire world is in a panic this morning at the news that Dr. Fauci, the living embodiment of science itself, will be retiring in December. The scientific community is already announcing mass resignations now that the…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pentagon has announced they will be making the new Monkeypox vaccine mandatory, but just for the Navy."After careful research into how Monkeypox is spread, we have determined the Navy to be at dire risk," said…

KNOXVILLE, TN — According to sources local man Derrick Chatum has been putting on weight at an alarming rate. This year alone, his weight inflation has swelled to 8.5%. To put his concerned doctor at ease, Derrick has explained that his…

QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario’s hospitals reporting emergency room closures and critical nursing shortages, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new relief plan allowing patients to diagnose themselves following a self-serve model. The plan…

RICHMOND, BC – As persistent loneliness continues to affect the health of billions, it remains unable to gain acceptance and inclusion from its epidemic peers. “I’ve been harming people’s well-being long before Covid came along,” said…

BOSTON, MA — In light of so-called "gender affirming care" making the Hippocratic Oath silly and outdated, Harvard Medical School has officially adopted the new oath "Mutilate Kids For Money."While genital mutilation of small children was…