Health

SODOM AND GOMORRAH — Both the city of Sodom and the city of Gomorrah have declared a state of emergency immediately in response to the Monkeypox outbreak. The cities are now providing all the resources they can so citizens can continue…

Oshawa, ON – Craig Batherson, your friend from intramural hockey who has gotten Covid nearly every time a new variant has developed, was surprised to see you wearing a mask. “You know you don’t have to wear one anymore right? The government…

COEUR D'ALENE, ID — Local dieter Christopher Woodleburk congratulated himself on sticking to his diet routine by enjoying his 23rd consecutive cheat day.After nearly 27 days on the popular, new Neolithic Beach Watcher Diet, Woodleburk says…

COVINGTON, LA — With the monkeypox virus plague tearing its way through gay bathhouses and teachers' lounges across the country, one desperate man hung a "straight pride" flag on his doorposts in hopes that the plague will pass over his…

BRIDGEWATER – There’s no point trying to prevent COVID because we’re all just going to get it eventually, says a man who is perhaps only a few hours away from infecting you with human papillomavirus. “Like, if you really think about…

AUSTIN, TX – Shortly after the Supreme Court voted to overturn Roe v. Wade, Texas’ new laws against abortion have expanded to also include bans on life saving surgeries of cancerous tumours if that tumour is one of the ones that grows hair…

America wasn’t ready for a pandemic when the first confirmed case of the novel coronavirus landed on U.S. shores in January 2020, especially in terms of overall health. The national stockpile of medical supplies was full of outdated and…

EARTH — After examining records from every abortion carried out since the dawn of humanity, scientists have confirmed that the number of safe abortions performed still inexplicably remains at zero."It's truly astounding," said Dr. Keith…