Health

OMAHA, NE — Local man John Falco received the tragic news today from his doctor that all the things happening to his body are completely normal, he's simply 40 years old now."Absolutely devastating," said Mr. Falco as his wife hugged him…

Well this is odd! It seems that nearly every friend and family member in your life is currently testing positive for COVID-19, the disease from the 2020-2021 Pandemic. “I mean obviously based on governmental restrictions, media coverage and…

OTTAWA – In addition to a federal holiday, transit pauses, and school and court closures, Canada plans to carry out an extra tribute to its beloved former head of state during her funeral by turning off all ventilators in the country for…

ATLANTA, GA — CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky held a press conference to warn the public about a deadly new "stealth" COVID-19 variant that causes negative test results and causes no symptoms."This deadly variant has bypassed our most…

PHOENIX, AZ — After collecting data from thousands of toilets across the country, dog scientists have definitively determined that toilet water contains essential nutrients not found in a water bowl. "Water bowls simply do not provide…

QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Ford’s Ontario PC’s have passed controversial new legislation that could force hospital patients awaiting long-term care to be stored in long-term self storage units not of their own choosing. “Folks, we need some…

TOKYO — Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced a new drug to fix the side effect from their last new drug, which was developed to fix the side effect from the one before that."Finally, relief for the massive hemorrhoids caused by our…

Celebrity doctor and Pennsylvania Republican Senate candidate Mehmet Oz was raked over the coals this week for his campaign offering some unsolicited medical advice to his Democratic rival, Lt. Gov. John Fetterman. In May, Fetterman…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The entire world is in a panic this morning at the news that Dr. Fauci, the living embodiment of science itself, will be retiring in December. The scientific community is already announcing mass resignations now that the…