Health

U.S.—A grim new study has found that all two million Americans who took a plane trip yesterday are now dead of COVID. The millions of citizens innocently flying on airplanes, completely safe from the virus because they were wearing masks in…

JUPITER, FL—According to sources hanging out at a local tiki bar, the taste of "literal pee in a bottle" was slightly improved by the addition of a slice of lime. The group agreed that the beverage they ordered, which was "pretty much just…

U.S.—Scientists have warned of a new, rapidly spreading phenomenon known as "Musk Derangement Syndrome." Those working at Big Tech companies and liberals in favor of censorship seem to be the most susceptible to being infected, according to…

HOUSTON, TX—Local liberal man Porter Wendell has learned about the latest COVID wave and is beginning to grow worried that it might be too mild to use to push his leftist takeover agenda. The man stated his concern that many people won't…

TUSCON, AZ—Zookeepers across the nation are reportedly scrambling to vaccinate all reptiles in captivity following the announcement that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has tested positive for COVID-19. "COVID has officially jumped species,"…

U.S.—With pediatric associations now in agreement that "gender-affirming care,"—in which children are drugged to block puberty and then dismembered through surgery—is 100% scientific and beneficial to kids, they are now introducing…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In breaking news today, the Clintons confirmed that Hillary Clinton has tested positive for COVID-19, while Bill Clinton has tested positive for COVID-19, syphilis, gonorrhea, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, hepatitis…

TORONTO – As provinces around the country abandon vaccine and mask mandates, a shocking new report has concluded that just because we’d all like the pandemic to be over, doesn’t actually make it so. “Just like every Premier we initially…

U.S.—As gas prices skyrocket, many Americans are looking for alternate forms of travel that will save them money. This has many in the equine community fearful of being used as transportation once again by a nation of overweight and obese…

Mississauga, ON – This week marks a major milestone in local woman Caitlyn Donahue’s life, as she celebrates two years of the COVID-19 pandemic – A.K.A. the longest relationship of her life. “I was really starting to worry that something…