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Health

Study Finds Supreme Court Has Now Shared More COVID Misinformation Than Your Crazy Facebook Aunt

admin Jan 9, 2022

U.S.—A landmark study conducted by Columbia University has found that The U.S. Supreme Court has now spread more COVID misinformation than your crazy aunt who shares conspiracy theories on Facebook. "This is very startling," said Dr.…

After Positive At-Home Test, Couple Plans Elaborate COVID Reveal Party

admin Jan 7, 2022

SAN FRANCISCO–A young couple of free thinkers united in common law marriage have some incredible news to share! Their at-home COVID test revealed not one but two faint purple lines. They finally have a breakthrough case just like all…

Workplace reminds you mental health comes first unless it impedes productivity

admin Jan 2, 2022

MONTREAL – Earlier this week tech start-up Fraggle sent a company-wide email reminding employees that mental health always comes first unless it impedes their productivity or makes their co-workers feel kinda icky. “Fraggle is that…

Unvaccinated Man Feeling Left Out As All His Vaccinated Friends Have COVID

admin Dec 31, 2021

CLEVELAND, OH—Local unvaccinated man Chuck Dornley is feeling very left out this holiday season, as all his vaccinated friends have now contracted COVID. "Maybe I should have just gotten vaccinated," said Dornley. Then I'd have COVID…

FDA Approves New Anti-Omicron Drug ‘PfiQuil’

admin Dec 30, 2021

SILVER SPRING, MD—As part of an emergency response to the rise of Omicron, the FDA has approved the use of a brand new Pfizer drug "PfiQuil" to treat the deadly new variant. "We are pleased that the FDA has approved our brand new drug…

Poll: 9 Out Of 10 Americans Support Tossing Dr. Fauci In A Volcano

admin Dec 29, 2021

Poll: 9 Out Of 10 Americans Support Tossing Dr. Fauci In A Volcano U.S.—According to a poll conducted by the Pew Research Center, Americans' attitudes toward Dr. Fauci are changing. In a sample of 50,000 respondents, 5% of Americans…

Genius Marketing: Common Cold Rebrands As ‘Omicron’ To Generate More Hype

admin Dec 28, 2021

WORLD—In a genius marketing move, the common cold has rebranded itself as ‘Omicron’ to garner some of that sweet coronavirus attention. “I’ll be honest, I was getting kind of jealous,” said the common cold. “At first…

Alarming New Study Finds That Everyone Who Gets COVID Will Die At Some Point

admin Dec 24, 2021

ATLANTA—The CDC has announced the results of an alarming new study: everyone who has ever been infected with COVID-19 will die at some point in their life. "Yes, everyone who gets COVID will die," said a spokesperson for the CDC.…

Oh No! The Ghost Of Christmas Future Just Showed Up And He’s Wearing A Full Hazmat Suit!

admin Dec 24, 2021

Oh No! The Ghost Of Christmas Future Just Showed Up And He's Wearing A Full Hazmat Suit! LONDON—Local banker and evil billionaire Ebenezer Scrooge reported that several ghosts showed up to give him visions of various Christmases this…

Implanted Microchip in Hand May Be Used to Verify COVID-19 Vax Status

admin Dec 22, 2021

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (TND) — Microchip technology invented by Swedish startup company “Epicenter” is now being presented as a possible way to carry around a COVID-19 vaccine passport under a person’s skin, according to a viral video.“Beep boop…

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