Health

BOSTON, MA—After a nail-biting fifteen minutes, local man Rod Brown was blessed to discover that his COVID test came back positive for the Omicron variant—which is nothing more than a gentle case of the sniffles. “I’m so…

Red Deer, AB – As data comes forward indicating the Omicron variant is twice as infectious as Delta but possibly causes 10-15% less deaths amidst those it infects, local math expert Dalton Linden has done some calculations and determined…

SACRAMENTO, CA—Amid surging cases of a mild cold called Omicron, California is acting decisively to reinstitute the popular mask mandate. Experts say this should effectively flatten the already completely flat, horizontal line of almost…

Automation: More Doctors Being Replaced By Kiosks That Just Play Pfizer Commercials U.S.—With hospitals facing historic labor shortages, many are automating their workforce by replacing doctors with slick new television kiosks that…

Brought to you by: This season, it's important to focus on the true meaning of Christmas: compliance. Christmas caroling, once a holiday tradition of family and friends spreading joy and cheer to neighbors and communities, is now…

SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Jayne Hinton, 32, is slowly discovering what her body can’t handle nowadays, ranging from a glass of wine to a heavy meal before bed. Most recently, Hinton discovered she gets hangovers from eating too much soup now.…

U.S.—A new study found that politicians cannot be harmed from heart issues due to the COVID-19 vaccines, as they do not have hearts that can be affected by complications such as myocarditis. "Politicians? Oh yeah, they're totally safe from…

U.S.—Pfizer is introducing a new Loyalty Club program, sources confirmed Wednesday, through which you can get a free sub sandwich with every 10th booster. You can sign up for the loyalty program right at your local permanent vaccination…