Health

U.S.—Understaffed and overflowing hospitals are once again facing a covid public health crisis. In response to this surge of patients, some hospitals are now denying healthcare to the vaccinated and boosted. “What we’re seeing right now is…

TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with the same infection, despite actually being even…

U.S.—Vaccine manufacturers Pfizer and Moderna have filed a suit for patent infringement against the human immune system. Attorneys involved in the joint filing allege the human immune system not only fights…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The nation's capital was rocked this morning after a new report by Project Veritas revealed that Dr. Fauci, who is the living embodiment of SCIENCE itself, may have lied under oath about engineering deadly coronaviruses in…

NEW YORK—During their monthly shareholder meeting, Pfizer announced that an updated vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in time for their Q1 Earnings Report. "We are committed to the longevity of this company," said…

U.S.—A landmark study conducted by Columbia University has found that The U.S. Supreme Court has now spread more COVID misinformation than your crazy aunt who shares conspiracy theories on Facebook. "This is very startling," said Dr.…

SAN FRANCISCO–A young couple of free thinkers united in common law marriage have some incredible news to share! Their at-home COVID test revealed not one but two faint purple lines. They finally have a breakthrough case just like all…

MONTREAL – Earlier this week tech start-up Fraggle sent a company-wide email reminding employees that mental health always comes first unless it impedes their productivity or makes their co-workers feel kinda icky. “Fraggle is that…

CLEVELAND, OH—Local unvaccinated man Chuck Dornley is feeling very left out this holiday season, as all his vaccinated friends have now contracted COVID. "Maybe I should have just gotten vaccinated," said Dornley. Then I'd have COVID…

SILVER SPRING, MD—As part of an emergency response to the rise of Omicron, the FDA has approved the use of a brand new Pfizer drug "PfiQuil" to treat the deadly new variant. "We are pleased that the FDA has approved our brand new drug…