Health

TORONTO – With the Ontario Government unveiling a plan to conduct symptomatic COVID-19 tests inside Shoppers Drug Mart stores, the pharmacy giant has announced that every shopper who contracts COVID will get 500 free Optimum points. While…

White Smoke Emanates From Wuhan Lab Chimney Signaling A New Variant Has Been Named WUHAN—Thousands gathered outside the Wuhan Institute of Virology with faces of anxious anticipation over the weekend, as rumors had been circulating…

Doctor Who Spent Decades In School Still Too Dumb To Realize That He Doesn't Know Everything CLEVELAND, OH—After spending years in school and hundreds of thousands of dollars on a world-class degree in medicine, local doctor James Grawdock…

SASKATCHEWAN – Local woman, Maria D’Souza, has spent most of her life being afraid to ask other people if their feet are as sweaty as hers. “What first made me think something was wrong was when I was 11 and watched a movie where the…

Man Crushed To Death By Giant Pile Of Cheese After Refusing To Tell Olive Garden Waitress To Stop LAFAYETTE, IN—Police have shut down a local Olive Garden after a man was tragically crushed under a mountain of freshly grated…

OTTAWA – A third booster shot of the COVID-19 vaccine has been approved by Health Canada for use on all sheeple and government simps over the age of 18. “At this time the booster is recommended for all sheeple and government simps over…

'The Booster Shot Had Absolutely No Side Effects,' Says Gavin Newsom's Second Head SACRAMENTO, CA—Two weeks after receiving a vaccine booster then abruptly disappearing from public view, California Governor Gavin Newsom emerged from…

You don’t have to like Aaron Rodgers to pump your fist when he drops COVID truth bombs on a hit sports talk show. The Green Bay Packers quarterback, who is currently under fire from the COVID scolds for being “secretly” unvaccinated and…

Yay! A COVID-19 vaccine is now available for children! Now, you might be wondering why you need to give an experimental vaccine to your kids when they’ve never really been at risk from COVID-19, and that makes you a horrible person. Because…

CANADA ― In an unforeseen turn of events, anti-vaxxers across Canada suddenly announced their willingness to take a Covid shot today, after realizing that lollipops would be available afterward. Since the Pfizer vaccine was approved for…