Health

Sad: Biden Supporter Doesn’t Realize Nation Already Back To Normal Outside Window ANN ARBOR, MI—Janice Donaldson, thirty-year-old schoolteacher and Don Lemon superfan, forlornly looked out her bedroom window, wondering if the day would ever…

CDC Reminds People To Listen To All Medical Professionals Except For The Tens Of Thousands Who Refused The Vaccine WASHINGTON, D.C.—The CDC today issued a reminder for Americans to trust healthcare professionals when learning about the…

Australian Hospitals Over Capacity With People Beaten By Police For Not Wearing Masks SYDNEY—Australian hospitals are bursting at the seams, having reached their breaking point after being flooded with patients during the pandemic. The…

More Jedi Refusing To Take Vaccine After Rumor It May Decrease Midichlorian Counts CORUSCANT—According to sources within the Coruscant Health Administration (CHA), Jedi knights are increasingly refusing to get vaccinated from a galactic…

U.S.—COVID's approval rating has skyrocketed after briefly interrupting The View this week with a positive test scare. According to a Gallup poll, 96% of Americans now approve of COVID, up from just 2% before The…

Lockdown Deemed A Success As Everyone Is Now So Obese They Can't Fit Out Their Doors U.S.—The lockdowns in the U.S. have been deemed a success at stopping the spread of COVID by public health experts, as Americans are now so obese they…

EDMONTON – As Alberta’s COVID hospitalisations hit a record high, Premier Jason Kenney has decried other provinces for not shouldering their fair share of the ICU load. “This is a ‘have’ province,” Kenney said, in reference to having…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Members of The Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) voted this week to make major changes to the Hippocratic Oath for the first time since the 1960’s. Specifically, the Oath for new doctors is being adjusted…

PRINCE ALBERT, SK – 25-year-old mother of two Rebekkah McElroy, once crowned “Lil Miss Horse Princess” in the 2002 Saskatchewan Harvest Fall Festival, has adopted a strict daily regimen of popular horse dewormer Ivermectin to stave off the…

PORTLAND, OR—Local liberal man Patrick Verde wears a mask everywhere, but there's just one problem: nobody can see how smug he looks over his superiority for wearing a mask. "If nobody can see how smug I look, what's the point?" he lamented…