Health

OTTAWA – Announcing a new set of guidelines for Canadians before assembled press, representatives with Health Canada have confirmed that vaccinated residents are now permitted to cough directly into each other’s mouths as much as they want.…

Vaccination Rates Plummet As More Celebrities Say They Won't Hang Out With The Unvaccinated U.S.—In a disastrous turn of affairs for the push to get more people vaccinated, rates have plummeted after Jennifer Aniston and other celebrities…

TORONTO – Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath announced that she would oppose mandatory COVID vaccinations for teachers, yet another plank in her expansive new plan to never become Ontario’s premier in a million years. With a provincial…

North Bay, ON – While making a pre-election tour in communities as far away from non-white Canadians as possible, Maxime Bernier gained an early endorsement when the Covid Delta variant expressed its eagerness to vote for him. “I’d go for…

Health Experts Point To Gollum As Model Citizen For Excellent Social Distancing Practices U.S.—Health experts in the U.S. have been encountering resistance in the population as many people don't want to stop living their lives due to the…

Scientists Warn Of New Supersized Double Mega Limited Edition Teenage Mutant Ninja Snyder Cut COVID Variant With Frickin' Laser Cannons U.S.—Scientists are warning of a deadly new COVID variant: the Supersized Double Mega Limited Edition…

ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has once again changed course, recommending that people wear masks indoors, even those who have received the COVID-19 vaccination. Many people have reacted angrily to this decision—greatly confusing the CDC, which is…