Health

ATLANTA, GA – With the CDC approving Americans to remove their masks many masked superheroes have complied, resulted in the accidental reveal of hundreds of superheroes’ secret identities. Many masked heroes have reported struggling to…

CDC Says Men Should Continue Wearing Masks To Avoid Catching Devastating Man-Colds U.S.—The CDC is urging American males to remain masked for the rest of their lives due to risks associated with the common man-cold. The agency noted…

REGINA – After six months following a carefully crafted diet plan, daily sessions of cardio, and periodic weight training, Regina resident Issac Gavin has become a moderately in shape man. Despite all of the hard work and thousands of…

Whether it's because you care about the environment or because you think meat is icky, you're trying to wean yourself off the stuff. That's great! You're a good person, you know that? But it's barbecue season, and you'll be tempted to…

McDonald's Drive Thru Backs Up For Miles As Dr. Fauci Keeps Changing His Mind WASHINGTON, D.C.—A beltway McDonald’s caused a major traffic jam yesterday, as the drive-thru backed up for miles while Dr. Fauci spent several hours trying to…

LONDON—Having prepared for months to make its mark at this year’s Olympics, coronavirus variant B.1.525—a U.K. native best known for its skillful weakening of antibody responses—confirmed Thursday that it was excited to compete in Tokyo…

Dr. Fauci Gets In Heated Debate With Seventeen Previous Versions Of Himself WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a brief temporal anomaly occurred in Washington, D.C., causing a version of Dr. Fauci from just two weeks ago to materialize in the city, the…

After World Realizes He Was Right About Everything, Alex Jones Appointed As New Head Of CDC ATLANTA, GA—Alex Jones has been appointed as the new CDC director after everyone realized he was right about everything all along. "We…

JACKSON, MS—Police are on high alert after a stark-raving lunatic was seen at a public park attempting to put a mask on a young toddler. According to witnesses, the deranged nutjob struggled for over 5 minutes to affix the pointless and…