Health

CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know how I could forget,” says Dirk Connors, who…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After hearing there was a crisis on the border, a confused Joe Biden visited the On the Border Mexican Grill and Cantina near him to see what all the fuss was about. After surveying the restaurant and enjoying the faux…

ATLANTA—Targeting the series of PSAs towards communities that were skeptical of inoculation, the Centers For Disease Control launched a new ad campaign Tuesday featuring a racially offensive animated mascot in an effort to get more…

MISSISSAUGA – Local area man, Garth Fuller, is reportedly immune to COVID because “he’s outside” and therefore, is not required to wear a mask. “It’s something with the wind,” said Garth Fuller, after wiping his nose with the back of his…

CHARLOTTETOWN – Jessica Harmon returned home from a trip to Shoppers Drug Mart with over $1150 worth of skin care products as she was too overwhelmed in the store to make a decision between anti-aging and acne-fight skin care products. When…

OTTAWA – In a statement earlier this week, Prime Minister Trudeau announced he is excited to offer the public an organized, efficient, and clearly communicated vaccine rollout first thing next pandemic. “Sometimes you gotta look at…

OTTAWA – Over the past months, Canada has embraced the different strains of Covid-19 that have entered the country and is proud of the beautiful cultural mosaic our country has become. Although scientists are hesitant to call this a win for…

Progressive Surprised To Learn He Can Still Wear Mask Even Without Government Forcing Him To AUSTIN, TX—As Texas removed its mask mandate this week, many progressives were shocked to learn that they could still wear masks. Having been led…

TORONTO – Local Torontonian Jamie Fellows, who has been unemployed for seven months, is unable to pay for therapy to help deal with the stress of being unemployed because they are unemployed. “The pandemic has taken a real toll on my…

OTTAWA – As new cases of COVID-19 continue to skyrocket across the country, Canada’s top public health officials have banded together in desperation to declare that the outdoors is, in fact, lava. “We thought that social distancing…